*~Wonder Land~*

It's been a nightmare worrying whether dad would be ok and I still don't like the fact that he's in pain ...
Today was good though. He was able to get up and water the garden. And I helped. And I watched the birds flying around, basking in the freshly watered plants ... and I felt ... peace ... for the first time in a very very long time. I was so amazed at the variety of birds .. woodpeckers ... tiny little yellow breasted birds that sang oh-so -sweetly ... and such peace, such peace ... like it was straight from the Heavens ... it was just what I needed.

So I went back in the house with a smile on my face, ready to do any work for mom with a smile on my face and not a pained grimace ...
And as I vaccummed and swabbed the floors, I was singing a song I thought I had forgotten:

You can change your life - if you wanna
You can change your clothes - if you wanna
If you change your mind
Well, that's the way it goes

But I'm gonna keep your jeans
And your old black hat - cause I wanna
They look good on me
You're never gonna get them back

At least not today, not today, not today
'cause

If it's over, let it go and
Come tomorrow it will seem
So yesterday, so yesterday
I'm just a bird that's already flown away

Laugh it off let it go and
When you wake up it will seem
So yesterday, so yesterday
Haven't you heard that I'm gonna be okay

You can say you're bored - if you wanna
You can act real tough - if you wanna
You can say you're torn
But I've heard enough

Thank you... you made my mind up for me
When you started to ignore me
Do you see a single tear
It isn't gonna happen here
At least not today, not today, not today
'cause

If you're over me, I'm already over you
If it's all been done, what is left to do
How can you hang up if the line is dead
If you wanna walk, I'm a step ahead
If you're moving on, I'm already gone
If the light is off then it isn't on
At least not today, not today, not today

And I realise its true. I hate it when people are just depressed. Everyone's got problems, its easy to wallow in self pity, or the tough hand that life dealt you. Or you can face problems with your head held high and a smile. I hate it when people condone the power of healing love, or the power of choice, or the power of positive thinking, even in the worst of circumstances. I've been through it all now ... but wait ... every time i say that, its like some Higher power says: wait a sec, girlie, you aint seen NOTHING yet ... take a look at that double rainbow I just made ... take a look at THIS bird ... take a look at how this guy changed in a couple of weeks ...look at the love between that mom and son, when just yesterday they were bickering like crazy ...
No I haven't seen it all. I'm glad. I wanna see more ^_^
I'm back to myself ! And I can't wait to see what tomorrow will bring. And even if its more hardships, I'll face them with my head held high. That makes all the difference in the world.

Well here it is, at last. Exam time *shudder*

Lately it's been like one confusing emotional roller coaster ride to the next, and i totally lost myself. Funny that accounts should bring me back to my normal self. Don't ask, its a loong story.

There's been too much turmoil around lately. And I keep hurting someone I really don't wanna be hurting -_-;
Goin to Chennai soon ... it's Paul's birthday and I can't wait to celebrate, he makes me lauf ^_^ ...

-sigh- and yesh I shall be spendin Valentine's all alone. In fact, i have an exam on tat day. Damn it all *sob sob* wish i could spend it with someone ... someone I love ... *dreams*

I don't wanna type any more , I'm sleepy. SHall post more in the evening. Cizao!

A song i was listening to

"Disenchanted"

Well I was there on the day
They sold the cause for the queen,
And when the lights all went out
We watched our lives on the screen.
I hate the ending myself,
But it started with an alright scene.

It was the roar of the crowd
That gave me heartache to sing.
It was a lie when they smiled
And said, "you won't feel a thing"
And as we ran from the cops
We laughed so hard it would sting

Yeah yeah, oh

If I'm so wrong (so wrong, so wrong)
How can you listen all night long? (night long, night long)
Now will it matter after I'm gone?
Because you never learn a goddamned thing.

You're just a sad song with nothing to say
About a life long wait for a hospital stay
And if you think that I'm wrong,
This never meant nothing to ya

I spent my high school career
Spit on and shoved to agree
So I could watch all my heroes
Sell a car on tv
Bring out the old guillotine
We'll show 'em what we all mean.

Yeah yeah, oh

If I'm so wrong (so wrong, so wrong)
How can you listen all night long? (night long, night long)
Now will it matter long after I'm gone?
Because you never learn a goddamned thing.

You're just a sad song with nothing to say
About a life long wait for a hospital stay
And if you think that I'm wrong,
This never meant nothing to ya

So go, go away, just go, run away.
But where did you run to? And where did you hide?
Go find another way, price you pay

Woah, Woah, Woah, Woah, Woah, Woah

You're just a sad song with nothing to say
About a life long wait for a hospital stay
And if you think that I'm wrong,
This never meant nothing to ya, come on

You're just a sad song with nothing to say
About a life long wait for a hospital stay
And if you think that I'm wrong,
This never meant nothing to ya

At all, at all, at all, at all

Ahh so yesterday was dads birthday and everyone came over. David was at HCL class so he came only to eat and go. Meanwhile Elvis was goin mad cos he tried to compress all his songs and ended up with horrible sounding gunk and came to me to copy my collection.

I felt like KILLING HIM.

Here's the thing: he had a 556MB or somethin pen drive, and expected to take my entire collection of about 20 GB. Not gonna happen. So he spent the entire party listening and choosing the ones he liked and copying it into the pathetic lil drive, with me hovering over him every 15 mins or so cos im such a freak when it comes to my computer ...

I got everything organised, 5 drives, one for music, one for work, one for anime, one for games, one for other various multimedia. And even my Music is classified into folders with the genre over it for easy access.
And Elvis was copyin and pastin like a monster and I was jus goin out of my mind trying to serve people, sing and be happy wit dad, give elvis wat he wanted, and eat my dinner all at the same time.

So anyways. Oh yea. That dumb professor of mine at Arena came over today, saying he'd install Maya for me. And guess what? He forgot the CD. Brilliant mind. How DOES he get to work everyday?
Then again it may be like Mikhell said, omg, ever since he told me that the stoopid sir had a crush on me i keep feelin all weird around him. Maybe he came over just to see me. *shudder shudder*

So today they're showin American Idol again at 8.Ya know on second thot, I'd rather not go for a competition like that. It's not such a good industry after all. But i DO love to draw and lately I've been cartooning a lot so i guess that's somethin to think about as a profession.

I gave dad a meaningful card and this box of yummy chocolates that he likes. He never gets to eat chocolates so I guess that was a good choice. I'm so proud of him.

So apart from everythin else, Aunty Don is here and enjoying herself, giggling liek a teenager everytime her boyfriend ... i mean, husband calls from Canada. Everythin happened so quickly, I can't beleive she's married again, what a cool thing for her ^_^ she deserves hapiness after all teh crap she's been thru.

On a more serious note, Julian has a chance to go to London. I'm so darn proud. But i want to clonk him over the head because he doesnt want to go. He doesnt want to leave Mona all alone, because he's scare she'll do drugs again. I'm so sick of the pair of them -_-
I don't even know him any more she's got him so whipped. They're not even married yet. But when I visit him I can see that there's still a twinkle of the brother I knew inside. Its sad that he and I have grown so much apart. Brothers and sisters should be there for each other.

Wow look at how much I've typed! -bleh- no im not bored just ... wanted to vent all my feelings thats all. Well i guess i'll be off then. Cyaz.

^_^

What is the worst city you've ever been to and why? 
Submitted by Soup.

OMG I so have your answer. Ever heard of Trichy? Of course you haven't. It's this tiny lil place in India, where it's so quiet that you can hear yourself breathe, and it actually disturbs you. There are no malls O_O, no clubs, no party places, and even the people suck. After travelling around, living in the UAE and all that ... to come to a place like Trichy in Tamil Nadu, South India ... wow. But you know what, it's getting better. Slowly. REALLY slowly.
The city is in that horrible phase where you can't say its full of culture cos the people are slowly getting modernised, and you can't say is happening because it is so far behind. There is absolutely nothing to do, nowhere to go, nothing to see. And the weather is wretched most of the year.
In all fairness, there is ONE mall (My old house in Dubai was larger, though) and people are starting to open up to new ideas. Not everyone though. All in all, it's really an awful city.

Oh oh American Idol started on Star World and Brian keeps tellin me "you ought to try out" and OMG i so want to. I've been dreaming of singing and acting. Whatever. A stage career, you know?
I like singing with the Wanderers but its such an oldies group ... no scope fer lil ole me here ...
Maybe next year I WILL try out. Just to see how good I can be. WHO KNOWS, right?

Sometimes it seems like its way over my head but I think with a little luck I can actually do it. *fingers crossed*

I gotta go fold the clothes now *do not underestimate the glamour and fame involved* XD

Tata ^_^/

Toldja I'd be all better today ... all that ranting and raving was just for last night ^_^

I'm such a drama queen.

Well the thing is, I felt all alone and starved for affection last night. I mean taking care of so many people and no one seemed to be givin me the things i needed too ... to be loved, to feel wanted ...
Well it passed like I knew it would and I'm somewhat better today \(^-^)/

*giggles* ah its nothin ... just somethin someone said about mosquitoes ... *grin*

well now that im all better i'm uninteresting again XD so until next time when I'm troubled and hurt :P

ooh ooh i got some new poems to post soon ... ciao fer now though ^_^/

Troubled

i just want to die. everything sucks. i just want to die. useless and alone.

no sympathies. no tellin me tomorrow will be better.
all my tomorrows

feel like a lifetime away

never to come

just for tonight

i feel like i have nothing to live for

just for this night

i feel pity for myself, my useless selfish lazy, self.

i got too much

i dont want it

I want out

i want to die.

Just for tonight i want to die.

I'm not well. I'm really sick. Throwing up, temperature, the whole shabang. I wanna die. That's about it for now.

\(^_^)/